I have been struggling with how to write this for a few minutes now, and I am just gonna write it/open up about something that decided to present itself last year as an addition to the shitstorm of 2020.
About July last year, we had one of our dogs pass who has been in my life since I was about 12 or so. I’m turning 24 in a week from today, so she lived about 11 years. Which is pretty normal for her breed. But this has since been a hugely difficult thing for me. The grief I have felt losing her in one of the toughest year in my life (granted in many people’s lives) it has not subsided since then. It was at a time when I was dealing with a promotion/move to another area of my store (not much of a promotion, just here “work here for the say rate”) the day my family decided to let her go was my first shift. They told me literally before I left for my first shift, and I was a fucking dick. They almost sent me home. I think that whole incident doomed my time in that department because then I was moved to another department where I did well, but one day I saw something very traumatic pre-shift that messed me up that day. I failed a secret test. They threw me into a dark more or less supply closet to work, and I had a breakdown.
But that’s not the point, the point being. It has been nearly a year and I am dealing with immense grief over my dog’s passing still and it is one of those things I do not know how got deal with. My sister went out and go another dog, but for me. I do not think I can ever do that. That dog was a very good thing for me in a very shitty time in my life, and it just fucking sucks she passed in the middle of a difficult time for me with COVID.
I just needed to open up tonight. This is something I have been silently struggling with for a year. It has just been so hard to process. I feel like no one has been there for me regarding it and I just don’t like to talk about how much I’ve been hurting as a essential worker hardly making a living wage in the midst of COVID trying to help his own community and deal with personal BS.
I welcome all comments and advice.
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